HER NAME WAS FAITH

I have been going through a lot of reflection lately, I have major changes knocking everywhere I turn and soul searching has proven to the easiest way to find answers. I am deeply concern about my consciousness to my connections with others.When my spirit has been wounded I have realized there is a blur from the beauty of each being around me. 

So it’s a beautiful morning with the sun rays blasting through my window, I put my book down and cross my legs for a few minutes, am at meditative state, taking deep breathes, when I allow my mind to wander. I end up at a new contact I made on social media, a basketball player doing beautiful things in the world. I dive into thoughts of my first love. 

Once upon a time, there lived a young girl who just joined high school. She found her first hiding corner during orientation day at the basketball court and it’s safe to say she spent 4 years on that sport. Pun intended.

I was in love with every part of it, I wished for nothing but to only be in its service. Ok maybe I wished for more, I wanted medals, games, jerseys, mentions, travel, books. I had an actual scrap book that I filled with all things basketball, notes on games and fundamentals, clips and magazine posters from different places. Oh! And Denis Rodman was my idol, he played for Chicago Bulls, his jersey number was 91, I see lots of you guys wearing it in pics and Justin Bieber videos. The book had this huge picture stuck, of him in a wedding dress, yes I said dress, Google him.

Kindly laugh at the part within me who isn’t sure she is gay at this point, I actually thought it was the basketball, with Micheal Jordan as an ignored option. :-D So I bounce back to the girl, the player, I get a little self conscious, as we always do before those who have lived our dreams. I had met her lots of times in tournaments and once in campus we were the same team.

I, on the other hand has picked up a ball only a few time in the last few years. I keep one in the house as a way of celebration of that part of my beautiful past. But is it love if I have let go of something that meant everything to me once? Was I subconsciously there for the girls in sagged pants? My love for androgynous women shall be the death of me.

Then, if you meditate reader, you know that part when the door with the answers comes flooding in as if a dam pipe has been opened and the water hits you hard? And I smile, there she was, a black African woman from humble backgrounds, killing it in its greatest platform in the world, creating a new narrative for sports women in Africa. If what I ask for was service, I envisioned. Enough!

Love isn’t lost or regrettable when you let go, the more we wear lenses of loss the less likely we are to see how beautiful the things we have loved become. I learnt and grew a lot from my first love, we went through hard times, I felt hurt when I lost her, I found peace without her, and she still makes me happy when I touch her.

All of it seems to be a story, a narrative of pasts and futures, emotions alert us of a lot, some they exaggerate too much. But to find peace in the times we get to share with loved ones, to know our dreams are picked up by the next one. To be isolated but to also realize that those that are around us are gifts, persons to commune and share this presence with. That gets us off our high horse and gives props to the significance of each being and our duty within our stories.

You are living someone else’s wishes, my space as an artistic Kenyan gender question, single mum (BTW the son moved in full time, very exciting times) is also just a desire for another dream thirsty Kenyan girl who has no idea the magnificence life has in store for her. To teach the soul to flow is our task, to allow the river that we are to mold into every situation we run into, gives us sight, takes away biases and brings peace.

Lastly, if an Add on Facebook can bring answers and reflection that tunes our soul back to your rhythm, why not have a little faith in each step we are about to make? To 2016 fearlessness and joy, lots of joy.

Happy, abundant and peaceful 2016 to you.