PAREUNIA.

I work up this morning just in time for a morning show that was hosting an award winning Kenyan writer Binyavanga who you can be sure has my creative heart. His main message was to break the walls, tell it as it is. He called them Truth Tellers. Sounds good right? Sure does.
So I shall spend the next few grams of balls I hold doing that…or at least starting to. Let’s talk matters sex!! I am in need of like minds, people who relate to what I battle with and have managed to see the damage that it can bring to a person’s live and would also like to know how to get things in control as I would. Hold on, am not talking about just sex, but the sex that can be difficult. Give me a minute to elaborate.
I have very basic knowledge of the psychology of sex and within my veins is a need to change that. I would like to finally get the over the shame and talk to someone who actually has answers or at least offers words of comfort on the struggle of sex addiction. Let’s see, I would have to cheat with Wikipedia to weigh out if actually all symptoms are there and whether treatment is possible but I want answers from someone who knows, a person who has seen it or had it.
It took just a few confidential conversations with friends to realize that I was falling out of the spectrum of what those around me define as ‘normal’. So naturally I started searching for those that might be similar but in all honesty I ended up finding them in on porn sites that I visit more than Facebook and trust me darling ‘I visit face book’!
Which didn’t make much sense to me and that’s when the suspicious were heavier than ever. So let’s talk, tell me your thoughts and if the Lords are awake, some advice please. Is there ideas like too much sex, what is it to you? When do you want it? When do you feel that sex is not necessary? What does sex cost you in your life? Do you think it controls you?
I for one believe that chances are good that I do not love it but something much greater. I have no way to explain how everything is a possible turn on in my head. It takes just a woman sitting somewhere casually in serenity and big daddy can’t fall asleep without feeding :-). I wish it was more attraction towards the people than the ideas and just simple beauties, lemme explain that part. I can like your cracked tooth and my bed shall have company. I need to get the tooth boner out, lol. Not necessarily that sweet girl I saw earlier. I can find beauty, just one thing I like and that’s all I need.  Its excuses after excuses and they never stop changing.
Then there is the part that challenges my sanity of the weird freaky shit that even awaken my ancestral traditions and I feel within me they are not right. The question has me confused on whether I need to feel shame and rebuke or accept it as just Immah, either way this road of full self-awareness is bound to open up some ‘different’ rooms in all of us. BDSM, exhibitionists, voyeurs, weird, kills, groups, humiliation and plain nasty are tastes that hold me literally at the crotch and I have a long way to go before I make peace with them. I shall not even share with you the horror it is finding a people who will go with it at your time of need when you do not have a constant partner, let’s get to that.
Partners, there are those who will be god sent and they open up their minds to my insanity but there the few girls who are fucking scared lol. Which I must admit is another turn on. If someone is willing and is as freaky as I am there is the humongous chance that the deed shall be repeated. Those are the days that I wake up with a huge smile and update all about the blessings of this world and add a few photos to my art’s album. Those are the days I write the award winning poem, those are the days that I reach out to see how a friend is doing, those are the days I make a difference and that right there is the problem. Those are the days I blog :-).
Coz I need many more of those days and me being the person in charge of providing that share of me to the world, I do all I can to make those days happen. Do not get me wrong I understand fully the biology of the changes that occur with sex, especially with the intensity it has when its women doing it together, yea I said it. I know it’s natural for feelings to be generated and that is not a thing to mess with and not everyone is comfortable with the meaningless that the addiction carries with it. In the last year I have less than 10 days I did not cause, have or see an orgasm happen. I need my libido fixed, for it happens to be the most powerful organ in my body right now and my mind needs to be on top of things as it should be.
Sex everywhere and anywhere, with everyone and anyone, with ranges of: awesome ones, scary ones, beautiful ones, memorable ones to other’s I cannot even remember. There is a lot to be questioned. Trust me I have tried to take care of this as every grown ass woman should. So after the denying it’s a problem and hiding it from everyone there is a part I convinced myself that if I could find one person who is similar; the equation is just right.
Then I realized it’s not something to be maintained in a relationship coz the dynamics of emotions do not work like that and it happened that the appetite needed variety too. So I searched for one who had similar views as mine on monogamy and the lie it can be. It turned out there was just one slight problem that needed solving. Still, it turns out that its silly and irrational to assume that a person has energy to have sex for at least 4 hours on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, sex the whole morning of Saturday and the night and sex throughout Sunday and still a few quickies when big daddy is messing up my mood with his hunger. Let’s not discuss the bruising chances that multiply by the hour no matter what kind of sex you’re trying.
Lemme tell you about the moods. If you have known me for a while you know I am usually a happy smiley person and sometimes quiet and if drunk and not shy, just plain silly :-). When the libido is not manageable I get angry I mean pure anger that does not care who you are and how much you mean to me but plain, mean, bitchiness. I cannot get out of my comfort zone ‘house’. I have had a million things pass me by and in all honesty, I was horny, that’s why I did not get to the graduation, that’s how I missed that performance, it’s why I can’t come chasing skirts. Sad. When the anger comes, I stop liking you, I just get mad. Which is a time consuming process to fix it :-(.
Just when I thought it couldn't get worse I realized, it was not attraction to everyone, some sex episodes have me just wet when am done being with her lovely body and then there are those that if I am comfortable and my princessness thinks we should allow you to return the favor shall be a wild, energy that shall have us flooding the house and by the time a few hours are done and am all cool now I do not need any more for the next few hours. Multiple orgasms were introduced to me on an Oprah show, stop judging me. When they started I thought since it’s been in Oprah, its normal lol. Trust me I love them and I have no complaints about it except when your body gets messed up. Once I fainted on the 10^th constant orgasm and am just lucky it was with a familiar lover. But how safe am I cumming this much is the question? Is it really healthy?
The beauty of it all is that you enjoy to see people open up their minds to new ideas and within a few weeks of our bodies connecting in this manner constantly we are bonded forever and if we were keen enough to share honest conversations along the way we have the same spark each time we meet and that is an awesome feeling people. That said. I need to be the one driving and not the other way round.
Discuss..