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ok...not so dead over here.
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One of the most popular bloggers in the Kenyan lesbian scene
just wrote a blog on the Lesbian Bed Death Syndrome which has all self
respecting lesbian minds sharing their opinion. Most of them agitated by the
idea that was put across by Pepper Schwartz in her 1983 book American couples, which makes me wonder
why we are getting to this discussion now but
I shall put a pin on that.
The idea is that lesbian couples in committed relationships have
less sex than any other form of couples, may it be homo or hereto. This as I
have read, is insulting to our young vibrant Nairobi lesbians who have been hit
with this revelation. My male counterparts from the office just tweet the link
too scared to comment honestly for fear of the fury of a group of women scorned. So this is my way of looking at it that I think
some of you may share.
First I shall ignore the discussion on who is a lesbian and
who is not and jump to the commitment part of the definition of the theory. It
is well stated that this ‘tragedy’ occurs to the women who are in long
committed relationships. So “no sweethearts” Pepper is not referring to your
six-monthed-relationship that is the longest that you have ever had and it is
about to turning into a marriage in the next two. Neither does this cover the
girl that you have been seeing on and off for the last 4 years in between the
three other relationships that you have had, all because she is the love of
your life and you two believe you will end up together. Coz all variables must
be considered, having sex behind all this other people who you may be fooling
you are committed to would only spice up you bed. Leaving you out of the
demographic that is being covered in this study.
Secondly, the forms of relationships that we are in.
lesbians are not the most intolerant people to open relationships, whether it’s
an agreement among all parties involved or just how you may turn your head
aside and act like you don’t know she is in Stella’s, Jane’s or even Jo’s bed. This
is not the people being referred to. This is for the faithful, monogamous few
out there which just lowered our demographics further after we deducted the
not-so-long-term relationships.
Thirdly let’s cover the avoided topic of emotional sex
between women. This is the main difference between lesbian and heterosexual sex
for women, which becomes the doom of many lesbian couples that may start out
because of their physical attraction to each other. As unnecessary as it may be
to mention that girlfriend that you cannot connect to emotionally but is a
volcano in your bed is not what we are talking about and furthermore I doubt you
two will be at it for years if you don’t take it to the next emotional level.
Honestly I believe
lesbians are some of the most sexually active people I know. So you can start
breathing again, no one was questioning your manhood if you know what I mean :-). How many have tried
having sex with the same woman for years and ended up making it as regular as
it begun? How many of you are faithful and still attracted to her- after years?
How many of you still think she is the sexiest woman there is?
The number of Kenyan lesbian couples left after that sieving
are the only ones allowed to put a bullet through Pepper’s head. With my
permission that 0.1% can shoot!
I L.O.V.E...! I dint want to go into details as u have coz in my experience; girls just skim through the information and jump to the part where they can bitch.
ReplyDeleteMy take- (well, the other take) When I heard of this "syndrome", I started going back on all my past relationships, as long or as short as they might have been. And I have had a 2year long one and so have several lesbians that I know. It was kind of scary coz for a minute there I thought the esteemed Pepper (which sounds like a very gay name for starters) was onto something.
But then I started looking at my straight friends (yes I have those) and they have the same kind of relationship. They last just as long as the gay ones I know.
And now on to procreation; at least half of all sexually active straight girls I know have had an abortion. Some 2 or 3. So yeah! That pisses all over that procreation shit! At least when a lesbian couple wants a kid, it’s rarely a mistake. We take that stuff seriously. And honestly, with all the mistakes fathers of our generation have made while our mum’s stayed home and held the family together, it would be kick-ass to have 2 mummies.
Now to timing; when this study was carried out, girls still wore petticoats for crying out loud. Showing cleavage and short skirts were a specialty for whores. People waited till married to make love and didn’t even shave their bushes back then.
Now fast forward to today, a woman can walk up to a man in a club and go like “you wanna fuck?” without batting an eyelash. Lesbians in Nairobi are a frenzy about sex. We are sexually liberal with ourselves and our partners. More settled in what we want to receive and give.
There are easily accessible toys now. And the positions- don’t get me started.
This pepper guy was one conventional fellow.
So yeah, his whole study was a waste of time and resources. Not to mention non-futuristic and prude. He should be fined for spreading lies and have his study struck off records.
*sorry for making it so long*
were to start? all agreed but i believe there is a way to know all this for sure. btw pepper is a woman...a sociologist who was just tryna put what they think right on paper. in psychology we do something called a follow up on a study either to refute the work of a person or to show the same stands today. we can do that for today within our community and share this difference we feel with others and have it academically published to make it just as valid. what say u? its not as hard as people think it is. p.s. on point on the mummy part.
ReplyDeletepepper was a woman! for real? hot damn! before i make a long comment, i am googling her photos. brb
ReplyDeleteok, googled! well she is avearge in looks. but her educatiob resume is quite impressive. i would like to sit with her and have a little chat.
ReplyDeletenow on to the study, how do you propose we carry out... as in plan?
yea, she aint what we would call bad looking. am thinking we start by creating a questionnaire as i consult on the necessary formalities on how to do this right. lets take the discussion elsewhere. immah12@gmail.com. regards.
ReplyDeletenice blog you got gal/..... i like
ReplyDelete