ACTING.

 

Clinging to my wishing powers, am dearly hoping this will not be yet another failure, I will dance to South African music all day if this actually gets to be posted by these shy fingers of mine. My point might land in the next sentence, kindly hold your breathe and bear with me as I grasp to the straws of my latitude hoping to turn this rant in my head into a blog. 

 The sad part of this story is that I actually have been blogging and they are all in ink somewhere, then when I put my pen down I am filled with immediate doubt and over-analysis that leave it as I did at that moment. Not just blogging, poetry is boiling inside me and so is hope for this anticipated 2014 for me. 

 So I do what every reasonably ridiculous person would do, I spent the last few weeks explaining to self that the Mojo shall be running out of destiny and in sweet timely fashion when I open my thoughts in this medium. The notion I hold to is that the openness of a blog makes me accountable. There is something about saying you shall do something and actually having someone you know sit you down to investigate the progress. 

 So it was decided by yours truly that 2013 was a necessary hellish year that had its pros and cons. On pros are all the lessons and experiences that it brought to my life, never had it been this hard in my poor-in-recollections mind. But the beauty, music and minds I interacted with were orgasmic. The universe opened to me lots of words and sweetness when it felt kind and didn't want a sister swallowing a razor. That leads me to the cons, am not sure whether pain was even there or just a constant numbness that was turned on with a switch of my fuck-bullshit button. 

 So I smiled through those I could manage and managed not to commit my first homicide or the philosophical opposite. But comes the ending that brought its brother; Rock-bottom along. The little scared lilac-pillow-grasping girl disappears and comes back Mwihaki who is the Mother Superior/Asshole/Mr. Narcissism/Get-shit-done/Demigod me who turns things from WTF? To Goddamn in weeks and there goes the funeral of 2013.

 I read out its glories in its eulogy speech that we are currently sharing. “When it began I was on the same BS about a new start and all those goals that have no Cheerleaders certainty. Keep in mind that the holiday season has a lot more reviews for me than others: a date of birth on the season and all the commercialized religious advertising catch me. My decision for the belated one was to find/focus/search/achieve "power, peace and purpose." Instead, small basic outcomes became a challenge. As I said this are glories, so lemme get to it. Comes the ending that we spoke of, and lets bring out the masks and paper cups because from 2013 I got all that I was looking for and much, much more and never has happiness been so real.

 I try to smack the pessimistic voice inside that calculates that, if that was done in weeks what more would we have done without the overflow of nonsense? It doesn't work so I kick it instead. So once more since it worked last time and lessons in my head are here to guide. I have a theme for this beautiful One Four, welcome to my year of DOING. I wanted to go with productivity but I realized each time I say ‘DO’ which is way more than productivity, a bell might be rung. Call it Psych 101 or plain stupid, no harm in trying. Lol.

So bring on the work, writing, learning, feeling, thinking, talking, psychology, photography, poetry, reading, family, laughing, all of it. The engine is fueled and ready to live the purpose and open the doors in front of me. A blessed one to you and cheers to good surprises friends.