BELLY PAINS

My occasional lack of focus hit again in the usual ugly way whereby I can’t even get out of bed without a fight. So I took most of that time blaming Bitch for she was the added variable in my life. Said changed me from my workaholic, over achieving, creative nature. When I was done with that I blamed the lack of alcohol in my life...yes I have no boundaries.

Lemme get to my point. Am done with that 3weeks of zero focus and concentration but as soon as I was done with that I took a few more days to punish myself with moments of meditation on how I let go of things easily. So this time unlike the others I have had in my past I didn’t heal by getting rid of all parties in my life. Not that i wasn't tempted..but there is only so much damage you can do to your routine.

But I reviewed what I have lost in the past due to such behavior, extremely destructive behavior. Which biggest impact is making me a paper poet. While 2 years ago I was on that climb of being one of the best performing poets in Kenya. i just packed up one day and now we run into each other in the Nairobi streets. 

Now I am back to where I was 10 years ago. writing and leaving it for people reading abilities to interpret it...let’s not lie as good as I am with imagery it’s a risk not letting people hear in my own voice.

So two people within the past half hour have asked me if I am going for a poetry event that is happening tonight, so I get on facebook and I find I have enough poetry event invites am the one who chooses to ignore them. Looking through the list of attendees is where I get my excuse not to go.

In their flamboyant facebook names they are all mixed up...people I have known in the poetry world who were my comrades in our fight for the WORD to be heard.

Joined by the new acquaintances in this LGBTI world, talk about word meets bed. Keep in mind I have managed to separate the two like gays and boredom. Just to make it worse add a few exes and one nighters from both worlds. 

I hope you remember I told you my reaction is to emotional tension of any kind: RUN! so I sit half working, half tryna convince myself I need to feel that stage high once more another fraction telling me to get my beers and go home, call up bitch and have a lovely night.

I need to buy balls...or as she said. I should grow a cunt. So for now I shall act like I will show up n get a taste of poetry and get to sit with my beer and listen.

Wait...one of my coolest ‘boy’ just skyped, she is coming! Its decided Am going for poetry tonight! Bitch should join too…this will be interesting. I will give the review.

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